Hudaibia Iftikhar

PESHAWAR: For decades we have heard that girls should take every step cautiously because their parents’ reputation lies in their acts and behavior. Especially in our Pashtun society, we mostly hear from our elders that a single daughter’s mistake is enough for parents’ disgrace.

Most daughters from the conservative families are not allowed to do outdoor jobs. In fact, a job is a very big thing for them. They do not even permit a girl to choose the subjects to study according to her own choice, but her brother and father will choose these for her.

If some parents provide cellphones to their daughters luckily than they will have to use it according to their parents’ choice and they are not allowed to use that phone during night time because that comes on the top of the ‘not to do’ list which they set for them. Also they can take their daughter’s phone anytime to have check on them. While our brothers are allowed to have two or three cellphones at one time, he is allowed to use it every time he wants, he has a separate room in the house, and there is no one to ask him that why he uses phone in late hours because he is a boy and allowed to do anything as one day he will earn and support his parents.

In our society, girls are told to not disobey parents, take care of them, don’t put them in a difficult situation, take permission from them for job, don’t give them stress, compromise own wishes for them, leave job because a girl’s brother don’t want her to do any job and this destroys their comfort, and why we hear all that because our parents are already stressed due to one of our daughters and brothers.

We belong to such a society where sensible daughters become more reserved while seeing their parents’ situation and they compromise their happiness because they believe that if one of our siblings is becoming the reason of parents’ discomfort then it is our responsibility to provide peace to our parents from our side and release their tension instead of increasing it. If our brother talks disrespectfully with our parents and gives them tension, then we are responsible to give them medicine and release their stress.

I rarely see my brother asking my mother that whether she had the meal or not, whether she has taken medicine or not, whether she is going for a walk daily or not, but these are daughters to take care of parents health, these are daughters who while hearing a tone of stressful sentences but she will say to only one of them to the mother because she knows that her mother is hypertension patient and she cannot bear tension. Even she has to put water on that fire which burns due to her other sibling.

If a boy chooses a girl as his life partner then he will not ask his parents regarding such a proposal, but he just informs them about that, and if parents prohibit him from that proposal then it is a piece of cake for him to warn his parents that he will resort to court marriage otherwise and will leave home forever. Being the only son, the most difficult time for parents is to let their son get out of the home as they believe that the boys are their future support. Then they agree to do everything as their sons want and tie his marriage knot according to his desire. But if a daughter expresses her feelings for someone, there will be her brother who speaks before her parents and will strictly prohibit her outdoor visits and will snatch her phone. In this blog all I want to disseminate is that if boys do any wrong then it will also damage parents’ reputation, and the parents’ disgrace not always comes through daughters.

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